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 Sex & Relationships 

He's Not Going to Marry You

 By Laura Giles
 Healthy Living

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For most people, the purpose of dating is to see if the prospect is marriage material. Therefore, if you have been dating the same guy for more than two years and he has not proposed, lose him. You are wasting your time. Heís not going to marry you.

The average girl/guy knows within a year or two if you are ďthe one.Ē It doesnít take any longer than that to figure that out. He knows if he respects you, values your opinions, has fun with you, can deal with your quirks, gets along with your family, has the same ideals, and is moving in the same direction. He knows if he can see you in his life for the rest of his life.

If he says he still trying to figure that out, heís lying. Inside he knows. Bottom line: heís either deliberately stringing you along or heís ignoring the evidence so that he can benefit from the things that he likes about you without having to commit.

If youíve got a ring and a date, you can be a bit more optimistic about tying the knot at some point. There are legitimate reasons for waiting more than two years to get married. Waiting until after college graduation is a good one. So is waiting to have enough money to afford the ceremony of your dreams. But you should still have a ring and a date. Some guys give heir girlfriends rings to shut them up, so the ring alone isnít enough. Have a date. Have a hall picked out, guest list, bridesmaid colors, and all that. Include the families in the planning. Only then can you be sure that a relationship older than two years is actually moving in the direction of marriage.

Some women are willing to hang in there longer than two years because they think that heís going to change. Let me give it to you straight. We all grow and change, but the changes you are hoping for are probably not the ones heís going to make. The guy you see today is essentially the guy you will see tomorrow, so if you are holding out hope that heís going to morph into the guy you can spend your life with, forget about it. Either heís going to wake up and realize that you donít suit him and heíll dump you, or you are going to end up wasting years of your life with someone who is not a match.

Some ladies wait around because they think heís going to change his mind about marrying them. Itís not going to happen. If heís saying things like heís not ready for marriage, or heís not sure he wants to get married, what he means is heís not sure he wants to be married to you. When the girl comes around that he is sure about, thatís heíll get marriedÖ of course, it will be to her and not you.

If both partners go into a relationship with the understanding that neither want marriage, donít expect that to change if you decide that you are head over heels for your lover. Look at Oprah and Steadman, Jackie O and Maurice Templeton or Goldie Hawn and Kurt Russell. They declared that they would never marry and they havenít.

If youíve been dating longer than two years and donít have a ring and a date, itís time to have a talk with your partner to find out if itís time to move on. The only one who is hurt by ignoring the obvious is you, so be proactive and honest and donít waste time on someone who isnít a match
The average girl/guy knows within a year or two if you are ďthe one.Ē It doesnít take any longer than that to figure that out.
About the author
Laura Giles, MSW specializes in women's issues, relationships, and families with children from affairs. She is the author of "The Other Child: Children of Affairs" and "Growing Up Crazy." Laura is a frequent radio talk show guest. She does online counseling for clients across the country and can be found at or by email at

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If your relationship has lasted for years with no proposal, don't expect to get one.

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