If you canít honestly talk about things like this with your partner,
you are not very close. People who want to be closer to each other talk
about the future. They make long term plans. They do this to know for
themselves that their partner wants to be there and to reassure their
partner that they will be there for them.
you dating each other exclusively? That seems like a no-brainer, but I
get a lot of people asking me if I think their relationship is on track
for a serious commitment when they are not yet exclusive. Itís silly to
even ask this question if there are other people in the relationship.
do you talk about? If your partner talks a lot about an old flame, heís
not that into you. If your partner doesnít talk about the future, itís
because he doesnít see you in it. If your partner isnít interested in
hearing about your family, friends, work, or life, heís not that
interested in YOU. If you have conversations that are personal,
frequent, and meaningful, that is an indication that your partner is
interested in you and your life and wants to share his as well.
makes the most effort? If you are making most of the contacts, making
the plans, and doing the work to make a date happen, thatís a clear
indication that this guy just isnít all that interested. The
responsibility and joy are shared in a serious relationship.
much a part of his life are you? Do his co-workers, roommates, and
family members know you? How are you introduced to those people? If
your partner openly introduces you as his girlfriend and includes you
in most aspects of his life, heís probably serious.
The bottom line is,
if your partner is serious about you and your relationship, you
wouldnít have to ask the question. It doesnít matter if heís shy, just
got out of a relationship, or doesnít want to ruin the friendship, or
inexperienced with women. A guy who is interested, available, serious,
and mature enough for a serious relationship will send clear signals
through his behavior that you are what he wants. If you arenít getting
that, ask. If the answer isnít clear, donít analyze. You already have
your answer. The answer is no. No amount of justifying, hoping,
excusing, time or sex is going to change that.
About the author
Laura Giles, MSW specializes in women's issues, relationships, and families with children from affairs. She is the author of "The Other Child: Children of Affairs" and "Growing Up Crazy." Laura is a frequent radio talk show guest. She does online counseling for clients across the country and can be found at http://healthy-living-solutions.com or by email at firstname.lastname@example.org