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Love & Dating

How Serious Is Your Relationship?

 By Laura Giles
 Healthy Living

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1) ASK! If you canít honestly talk about things like this with your partner, you are not very close. People who want to be closer to each other talk about the future. They make long term plans. They do this to know for themselves that their partner wants to be there and to reassure their partner that they will be there for them.

2) Are you dating each other exclusively? That seems like a no-brainer, but I get a lot of people asking me if I think their relationship is on track for a serious commitment when they are not yet exclusive. Itís silly to even ask this question if there are other people in the relationship.

3) What do you talk about? If your partner talks a lot about an old flame, heís not that into you. If your partner doesnít talk about the future, itís because he doesnít see you in it. If your partner isnít interested in hearing about your family, friends, work, or life, heís not that interested in YOU. If you have conversations that are personal, frequent, and meaningful, that is an indication that your partner is interested in you and your life and wants to share his as well.

4) Who makes the most effort? If you are making most of the contacts, making the plans, and doing the work to make a date happen, thatís a clear indication that this guy just isnít all that interested. The responsibility and joy are shared in a serious relationship.

5) How much a part of his life are you? Do his co-workers, roommates, and family members know you? How are you introduced to those people? If your partner openly introduces you as his girlfriend and includes you in most aspects of his life, heís probably serious.

The bottom line is, if your partner is serious about you and your relationship, you wouldnít have to ask the question. It doesnít matter if heís shy, just got out of a relationship, or doesnít want to ruin the friendship, or inexperienced with women. A guy who is interested, available, serious, and mature enough for a serious relationship will send clear signals through his behavior that you are what he wants. If you arenít getting that, ask. If the answer isnít clear, donít analyze. You already have your answer. The answer is no. No amount of justifying, hoping, excusing, time or sex is going to change that.

About the author
Laura Giles, MSW specializes in women's issues, relationships, and families with children from affairs. She is the author of "The Other Child: Children of Affairs" and "Growing Up Crazy." Laura is a frequent radio talk show guest. She does online counseling for clients across the country and can be found at or by email at

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Article Overview
If you are wondering how serious your partner is about you, here are some ways to find out:

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