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|The importance of foreplay is often underestimated and minimized or
even ridiculed. The informed experienced lover will know that not only
is foreplay one of the most passionate ways to sweep his woman off her
feet, but it also increases intimacy, develops trust and care, promotes
emotional connection, deepens love and has the ability to enhance his
satisfaction as well. |
First and foremost, adequate foreplay is essential to a womanís
satisfaction and her ability to achieve orgasm. Women need extended
stimulation to reach optimal arousal. Adequate foreplay consists
of at least 15 minutes, but preferably 20 or more. This is very
important for coupleís to know. Many women have difficulty
reaching orgasm or experience dissatisfaction with their sexual
adventures and often the only cause of these difficulties is the lack
of adequate foreplay. Foreplay is physiologically necessary for
womenís pleasure, not an unnecessary request she has created to make
things more difficult for the male. You can never spend too much
time on foreplay. It can only enhance the sexual encounter and
the relationship even more.
Foreplay has many other important purposes to keep in mind. It
shows your lover that you care about her and her needs. The way you
touch your woman indicates to her how you feel about her and the way
you feel about her impacts how she will respond to you sexually and how
pleasurable the sex will be for her. It promotes emotional
connection and deepens intimacy, which are two more necessary
components for sex to be satisfying for the woman.
It is not only the female that benefits from foreplay. On a biological
level foreplay induces lubrication for the woman and erection for the
man. Taking time to sensuously explore and relish one anotherís bodies
can significantly help with male sexual problems such as premature
ejaculation or impotence, creating harder erections, increased stamina
and more satisfying sex for the male as well. As men grow older they
may not get erect by sight alone as they once did in younger years,
extended periods of touching, kissing and caressing can provide the
necessary stimulation needed for erection. Foreplay also builds passion
and generates fire making for a more electrifying sexual adventure for
both male and female.
Foreplay can include much more than basic touching, kissing, holding
and caressing. It can also consist of words and behavior that
will enhance the excitement and passion. In addition to kissing,
touching and holding you might try giving her a loving compliment,
expressing affectionate feelings or giving her a gift such as flowers
or lingerie. Foreplay does not always have to begin immediately
preceding the sexual act.
For a very special treat and to really light her fire foreplay that
begins in the morning and lasts all day will work even better by
producing a loving seduction. The scenario might go something like
this: you prepare your lover breakfast or bring her tea and
present it to her with a big kiss, before you leave for the day place a
sweet love note in a special place for her to find, when you leave for
the day hold and kiss her with a deep passionate kiss, then call her
later in the day from work and asks how her day is and tell her you
love her, or in the call tell her how much you want her and you canít
wait to taste her, later that day send her flowers or when you come
home from work bring her a beautiful gift, when you come in the door
once again she is greeted with hugs and kisses, before dinner you
give her a bath and caresses her feet or you take a shower together,
after dinner you clean up the kitchen and tell her to go rest, then you
join her in the living room and give her a full body massage and spend
at least 15 minutes holding, kissing and licking. By this time
her body will be aching with desire.
This little dance will reap many rewards for you. No, itís not
realistic that you would do all of these activities each time you want
to make love, but once in awhile would make her feel real special and
make her appreciate you so much. You will dazzle your woman and
have her melting in your arms. The loving act would be remembered and
generate a reciprocal effect in which she will want to please you and
the relationship will grow stronger and deeper.
Sensuous undressing is another powerful form of foreplay that can
stimulate and intensify sexual desire. Undress her very slowly with
lots of soft gentle kisses on the exposed body parts. Focus on one
piece of clothing at time. Look in her eyes while unbuttoning or
unzipping. Let her take your shirt off. Let her feel your chest
against hers. Hold and caress before moving to more action.
Another trick to prolong satisfaction and build even more desire is
that once you have participated in some extended stimulating foreplay
and both of you can hardly stand it anymore, then take the foreplay
just a little bit further and escalate your hungers to new heights.
As always, communication is the ever-important factor in great
sex. If your lover is not meeting your foreplay needs, then you
need to speak up and let them know. Tell them what you need or what you
would like to try. If speaking the words out loud is too
difficult then literally show and guide him. Men, ask your woman what
she needs. You can assume that some basics all women will love, but
they will also have individual needs. You donít want to do something
she doesnít enjoy.
The enlightened lovers participation in foreplay is not begrudging or
the means to an end, they fully enjoy savoring their woman with long
sensuous play and delight in bestowing her with pleasure as much as she
enjoys receiving. Sex is more satisfying for both partners. They are
astutely aware that all the benefits of foreplay put together are
important components that will help keep excitement alive and prevent
love from eroding or diminishing, thus creating a stronger more
fulfilling relationship in every way.
By Cynthia Perkins, M.Ed. © 2004
About the author
Cynthia Perkins, M.Ed., is a sex counselor/educator and author helping
monogamous couples increase sexual satisfaction, be better lovers and keep the passion alive. She is also author of the hot new sex guide for couples titled, "The Lovemaking Smorgasbord - A Couple's Menu for Feeding Passion & Fidelity." Subscribe to her FREE Monthly Ezine, Smoldering Embers Sex Tip of the Month and get hot sex tips, techniques and secrets guaranteed to keep your fire burning.
http://www.smolderingembers.com/smorgasbord.html or send any email to this address firstname.lastname@example.org
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