ALoveLinksPlus
Media Critics
Revenge Guy
Learn To Invest



  


















Subscribers area
Log in


User       Pass      

Not a subscriber? Register here for free. 



More interesting columns
Laid For Life
Do YOU know what to say to approach a woman in ANY environment? John Rock breaks it down at
Fit 2 Love
Allie Ochs is a relationship expert, coach, speaker and author of ‘Are You Fit To Love?’ She has been through the “school of hard ...
Editor-in-chief
TheReachOnline.com's head editor has branched into the advice area. He's prepared to offer opinions and advice for your personal,...
Helping Singles Create Lasting Relationships
Avove AND Married first and only time at age 35, 4 kids, love sports, reading the arts and working with singles....
Healthy Living
Laura Giles, MSW specializes in women's issues, relationships, and families with children from affairs. She is the author of "The ...
Margrit, Your Relationship Expert
Relationship Expert and former Marriage, Family, Group & Individual Therapist. For more information check www.stratateam.com ...
Tough questions
Susan S. Levine is author of the book "Prevent Your Divorce Before Planning Your Wedding". Launched the relationship website in 2...
"Being a Man in a Woman's World"
uthor of: Being a Man in a Woman's World Dedicated to advancing the arts and sciences of relationships. Start having the relatio...
Women Don't Lie - Men Don't Listen
Doc Love is a talk show host and entertainment speaker who coaches men in his seminars. For the past 30 years he has asked thousa...
Increase sexual satisfaction
Cynthia Perkins, M.Ed., is a sex counselor/educator and author helping monogamous couples increase sexual satisfaction, be better...
Long Distance Romances
Loving your long distance relationship ... Love relationship advice, love advice and long distance relationship help for people in...
Dating Ideas
Marisa Pellegrino is freelance journalist and a writer for a Montreal radio show called Passion, a program about dating, relations...


 
 Sex & Relationships 


Your Beloved Soldier Is Coming Home – Now What?

 By Almuth Ochs
 Fit 2 Love

 More from author
 Send article to a friend
 Comment on this article







Laura anxiously anticipates the return of her husband Dan. What will it be like and what should she do? After all, he is not returning from a successful business trip or golf weekend. He is coming back from war. Should she arrange a romantic just-for-the-two-of-us event or a family reunion? This is the first homecoming experience in their young marriage. It has been over a year since Dan left. Little Maja was born 3 months ago and Dan has yet to meet his new baby girl. Laura, once shy, dependent and overweight turned into self-reliant and confident woman. She had joined the gym, lost weight and signed up for computer classes. Even though Laura had missed Dan terribly, she adapted to being a military wife. They had kept each other up to date through e-mail and phone calls. Dan will be surprised to find how much has changed since he left.

How do you deal with the challenges of homecoming? Relax and accept that homecoming can be difficult. In getting ready for the big day, put your own needs aside and help your spouse reconnect with the life he or she left behind. The real challenge is life after deployment. Historically those fighting in combat have a much greater likelihood of relationship break-ups than their civilian counter-parts. Depending on how devastating the war experience has been, your soldier may not be the same person that you saw off. Your spouse could have witnesses others including children or comrades die. He or she may have been forced to kill in the line of duty! While your soldier may not share all of these experiences with you, listen with empathy if he or she does. Even though your life was clouded with fear during deployment, don’t compete for the most wounded heart. After the big homecoming, you might be anxious to get on with life as a couple, but find each other at different junctures. Returning from a country at war, every day life may now seem trivial to your spouse. He or she may suffer from post-war trauma or guilt.

Here are the two of you trying to pick up where you left off. This is the critical point where military couples set the stage for a spiral breakdown or deeper love. How do you prevent your relationship from becoming a divorce statistic? Simply be what people in exceptional relationships are: Fit 2 Love! Do what people in exceptional relationships do: Become better for each other every day! By following the 3 principles of being fit to love: mutual respect, moral responsibility and authenticity you can turn your relationship into a solid anchor. Here is what these principles mean:

Mutual Respect: Exercise true mutual respect instead of self-serving respect. In real terms this means your partner is just as important as you are. Respect how your homecoming soldier feels. He or she has gone through a life-changing phase while serving, an experience the two of you did not share. Cherish the new person that has emerged. Accept his or her altered perspective on life and be open to learn from it.

Moral Responsibility: You are always morally responsible to your partner. Everything you think, say or do affects your partner. Sometimes you even have to think of your partner first. Yes, you are responsible for each other’s well-being. Be kind, loving and understanding. Allow for time to heal the wounds. Be sensitive and encouraging when you help your partner get on with life. It is your job to be an anchor.

Authenticity: Be you! Create and be the best of you. Be better for each other. Be honest about your own feelings, but don’t blame each other if your relationship is going through change. It could also be a change for the better. Depending on how you react, crisis like these are often the kick-start for more authentic and more solid relationships. Take your cues from your heart, for it will never betray you.

Think back when you wholeheartedly committed to your partner. Did you commit to respect and be morally responsible to each other? Did you commit to be the best you could be for each other? Sure you did and now you have a chance to do all that and do it better. While your soldier’s homecoming will definitely fill your heart with happiness, the months after can be very stressful.

Here are some tips to make military love stronger:

  • Don’t be anxious to get back to everyday life
  • Allow for re-adjustment
  • Become acquainted again
  • Respect the different person he or she may have become
  • Don't try to make up for lost time
  • Accept that things may be different
  • Don’t have unrealistic expectations
  • Talk to each other openly and listen with empathy
  • Don’t be surprised if your sex life is uneasy at first
  • If you have children be open and reassuring
  • Spend quality time with your partner and as a family
  • Don’t be controlling or manipulative
  • Learn to make decisions together again
  • Keep the faith; you need each other more than ever.

© 2005 Allie Ochs, Relationship Expert, Coach, Speaker and the Author of “Are You Fit To Love?” ISBN 0-9720227-9-1. Her articles are published in numerous magazines and newsletters. She has appeared on radio and TV. To order her book or to take the Fit 2 Love! Test visit her website at www.fit2love.com. For FREE relationship/dating advice e-mail: askallie@fit2love.com


After the big homecoming, you might be anxious to get on with life as a couple, but find each other at different junctures
About the author
Allie Ochs is a relationship expert, coach, speaker and author of ‘Are You Fit To Love?’ She has been through the “school of hard knocks” personally and then vicariously as a coach for the world’s largest relationship agency. This background followed by studies in psychology and sociology and 5 years of relationship research afford Allie a refreshing mix of savvy and empathy. Her vision definitely has the potential to transform every relationship.

She is published in: Single Again Magazine, Independent News Media Center, Disinformation, UK Activist, various Military Publications, Woman this Month, Enotalone, Kelowna Capital News, Calgary Herald and The St. Catharines Standard. Allie was one of the signing authors at the American Book Expo 2004 in Chicago. She has appeared on CHTV Hamilton Live, CKTB News Talk 610 and the Antonio Johnson Show in Dallas. Visit her website: www.fit2love.com
For FREE relationship/dating coaching e-mail: askallie@fit2love.com

Send this article to a friend
Friend email address
Your name
Was this article helpful?
  I think it's worth
 The number of ratings received is 0.

Comment on this article
You need to be logged in to comment on this article. Click here to login. If you are not registered yet, please click here - registratin is free and takes only 30 seconds.
 Comments so far (0)

Article Overview
How to deal successfully with the challenges of home coming.


CHAT
You need to log in before you can participate in our chat sessions.