ALoveLinksPlus
Media Critics
Revenge Guy
Learn To Invest



  


















Subscribers area
Log in


User       Pass      

Not a subscriber? Register here for free. 



More interesting columns
Laid For Life
Do YOU know what to say to approach a woman in ANY environment? John Rock breaks it down at
Fit 2 Love
Allie Ochs is a relationship expert, coach, speaker and author of ‘Are You Fit To Love?’ She has been through the “school of hard ...
Editor-in-chief
TheReachOnline.com's head editor has branched into the advice area. He's prepared to offer opinions and advice for your personal,...
Helping Singles Create Lasting Relationships
Avove AND Married first and only time at age 35, 4 kids, love sports, reading the arts and working with singles....
Healthy Living
Laura Giles, MSW specializes in women's issues, relationships, and families with children from affairs. She is the author of "The ...
Margrit, Your Relationship Expert
Relationship Expert and former Marriage, Family, Group & Individual Therapist. For more information check www.stratateam.com ...
Tough questions
Susan S. Levine is author of the book "Prevent Your Divorce Before Planning Your Wedding". Launched the relationship website in 2...
"Being a Man in a Woman's World"
uthor of: Being a Man in a Woman's World Dedicated to advancing the arts and sciences of relationships. Start having the relatio...
Women Don't Lie - Men Don't Listen
Doc Love is a talk show host and entertainment speaker who coaches men in his seminars. For the past 30 years he has asked thousa...
Increase sexual satisfaction
Cynthia Perkins, M.Ed., is a sex counselor/educator and author helping monogamous couples increase sexual satisfaction, be better...
Long Distance Romances
Loving your long distance relationship ... Love relationship advice, love advice and long distance relationship help for people in...
Dating Ideas
Marisa Pellegrino is freelance journalist and a writer for a Montreal radio show called Passion, a program about dating, relations...


 
How-To-Date


MEN: Learn How To Be Approached

 By Dennis, Dr. Neder
 "Being a Man in a Woman's World"

 More from author
 Send article to a friend
 Comment on this article







Recently, I’ve been getting more mail from women complaining that men are sometimes put off when women approach them. How ludicrous is this? Men, you’ve had to do all the work for years. If some women feel good enough about themselves to take on some of the burden – why turn them down?

Many men feel intimidated by women that are direct or even aggressive. It’s time to get your own ego in check. What’s going on here? Are some men so insecure that they feel intimidated by forward women? Well, yes – this sometimes is the case. On the other hand, many men are tied into the “attitude relics” of the past – including that men always have to make the first move.

To begin, let’s look at why women DON’T approach men. Here are a few reasons:

1) Most women feel it’s the man’s job to do the approaching (attitude relic)

2) Women are sometimes even more uneasy about approaching men than men are about approaching women

3) Many women have never learned how to approach men

4) Men often don’t want to be approached and react poorly to women that do

Women that approach men go through the same anxiety that most men experience – if they approach at all. So, the wise man will realize that he WANTS women to approach him. The trick (as many women know) is how to be approachable.

Being approachable is a combination of things. The first key is to make eye contact. Women will not approach a man whose eyes she can’t see. Averting one’s eyes is a defensive posture and tells people not to approach you. If she can’t see your eyes, she doesn’t know if you’re shy or dangerous!

The second key is to smile. A smile doesn’t have to be a full-tooth grin. Just a pleasant relaxed smile in coordination with eye contact is perfect. This doesn’t come naturally to many people and you may need to practice this in a mirror to make it so. Just look at yourself and picture the image you want to express to others. Then, learn how it feels to present that image on your face.

Eye contact and smiling may also have cultural implications. In some cultures it is considered rude to look someone in the eye. In others (such as Japanese culture), any display of emotion can be looked down upon. Thus, you should learn the local customs especially when you’re traveling and make them work for you – not against you!

The third key is body language and posture. You want to evaluate your body’s posture. Slumping shoulders, crossed arms and legs are “don’t approach” signals. Another “leave me alone” sign is turning your back or shoulders away from someone – or away from the center of activity. If you’re sitting at a bar, you are likely facing a wall. Turn around and face the center of the room (or somewhere away from the bar itself). Then, don’t slouch. Sit comfortably up-right with your shoulders up, back straight and your arms and legs unfolded, in a relaxed place – over the back of a chair or on the bar for example. This posture signals your “openness” to someone’s approach.

If you’re sitting on a bench or couch, don’t sit close to the edge (signaling your distance). Don’t sit directly in the middle either (showing your ownership of the seat). Sit slightly to the side with room on either side of you for someone else. This is a universal sign that you can be approached.

One great tool to use is to imagine someone you respect entering a room. Think about James Bond or John Wayne entering a party alone. They show confidence, class, calm and comfort (the “4 C’s”?). This should be your goal as well. If you’re not sure how to act, stand or sit – imagine what they would do in this particular situation.

Even if you do all of this, don’t be disappointed if you DON’T get approached. The women that will make the first move are rare – very rare. If you’re one of the lucky ones that get approached, take advantage of this gift!


Copyright (c) 2005, Dr. Dennis W. Neder All rights reserved. Remington Publications For more information about my book, "Being a Man in a Woman's World", visit: www.remingtonpublications.com P.O. Box 10702 Glendale, CA 91209-3702 (818) 246-2058 Fax (818) 246-5431
About the author
uthor of: Being a Man in a Woman's World
Dedicated to advancing the arts and sciences of relationships.
Start having the relationships YOU deserve!
Got a love, relationship or man/woman question? I answer all letters. You
can write to me at dwneder@remingtonpublications.com
for answers. For more information about my book, "Being a Man in a Woman's
World", visit: www.remingtonpublications.com

Send this article to a friend
Friend email address
Your name
Was this article helpful?
  I think it's worth
 The number of ratings received is 0.

Comment on this article
You need to be logged in to comment on this article. Click here to login. If you are not registered yet, please click here - registratin is free and takes only 30 seconds.
 Comments so far (0)

Article Overview
Being approachable is a combination of things. The first key is to make eye contact. Women will not approach a man whose eyes she can’t see.


CHAT
You need to log in before you can participate in our chat sessions.