Have you ever met someone
that you might have been interested in but changed your mind after a while?
Perhaps he or she wasn't your "type", or he or she didn't really
click with you or whatever. Or, perhaps you have a friend that you think might
work well for someone else. Or, let's say that you met someone and actually
went out with him or her once - maybe through a personal ad, or by being set-up
by a friend, but you found that they weren't what you were looking for.
Why not pass this
"lead" along to a friend?
We so often forget that
we're not the only one looking to meet someone new. If you know of someone
that might work for someone else, you don't really have to play matchmaker (and
get in the way); just pass that lead along.
*What To Do If You Have A
Ok, so you know someone that
another friend or acquaintance may like - what do you do? You should first
approach both people and get their permission before giving anyone personal
information. Believe it or not there IS a protocol for such things!
First, check with BOTH
people. All you have to do is tell them that you know someone that might
"fit" their personality, and ask if they'd be interested in meeting
that person. If not, just drop it and move on.
If they are interested, ask
the person what information you can give to the other person. Is it ok to give
a home telephone number, or is an email address acceptable? What about a
person's last name? Obviously, if someone isn't interested in giving out any
information, it's going to be impossible to help him or her meet.
Once you have the first
person's permission, contact the second person quickly. Try to do this with a
week or two at the most. Nothing creates more anxiety than expecting someone to
call and moving on a month or more later, only to find that your information
hasn't even been passed along yet!
When you contact this second
person, ask them if they'd be interested in meeting someone that you think
would be a good match. If so, ask them what information you can pass along, and
give them the information of the other person. If not, contact the first person
and explain why you couldn't pass their information along.
Next, get the hell out of
*What To Do If You Get A
If someone gives you a lead
- even if you don't think you'd be interested, you should contact this person
anyway. Why? Because your friend went out of their way to try to help you! If
you just ignore it, don't expect any more leads from that friend.
When you get a lead from
someone - don't wait a long time to contact the person! You should probably
contact them within a week or so. Why? Because you don't know how long the
person that gave you the lead was sitting on it. What if they've had it in
their hands for 3 weeks? If you wait another week - it will have been a month
since the first person was asked! Even if you're busy, you should at least
contact the person and say hello. Explain to them that you're very busy right
now, but you'd be interested in meeting them shortly.
Finally, like any other cold
contact, take things slowly. Talk via email or by phone and get to know the
other person. Find out if they have the same goals as you, and see if they
match your "plan". (You do have a relationship plan don't you?) If
and when you finally plan to meet, keep it short and simple. Meet for coffee or
a drink and see if you "click". If not, don't be afraid to tell the
person how you feel or set another date!
Another question I get asked
is if a person that accepts a lead from someone is obligated to return the
lead. No, you are not. That doesn't mean that you shouldn't return it if you
can however. If everyone passed these leads on, everyone would be expanding
their contact lists dramatically. And, this is just another way to meet the
person of your dreams.
Copyright (c) 2005, Dr. Dennis W. Neder
All rights reserved.
For more information about my book, "Being a Man in a Woman's World", visit:
P.O. Box 10702
Glendale, CA 91209-3702
Fax (818) 246-5431
About the author
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Dedicated to advancing the arts and sciences of relationships.
Start having the relationships YOU deserve!
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