Hey, it's me again.
There is one thing I kind
of struggle with, and that is confidence.
Everyone knows they are
attracted to confidence, but what exactly is confidence? How do you show you have confidence?
Hi “Me Again”!
You're absolutely right
about confidence - it is the #1 thing that women report as finding attractive
in men. In fact, I do a lot of interviews around the country. Every time there
is a women host, or one working with the host, I always ask her this: "What is
the single thing you find most attractive in the men you meet?" They don't
say, "money", "butts", "eyes", "cars",
or anything else most guys think. They always respond with
Confidence is an
interesting thing. It's hard to fake having money if you don't have it. It's
hard to fake having a great body. It's EASY to fake having confidence! Why?
Because confidence is really just two things:
1) Posture - both physical
and mental; and,
2) Presence - your affect
on people in the room.
Both of these can be faked
very, very easily. This is because people have a hard time telling the
difference between what is real and what is an act.
Let's take an example from
the world of acting. Actors talk about "breathing life into a
character", but for most of them, this is a bunch of hooey. Most actors
learn that all you really have to do is just "walk the walk" and
"talk the talk" of the person bang portrayed. It is the rare
individual that can spot the difference between going through the motions and
actually becoming the character.
Confidence is like this
too. If you simply adopt the body language, and have a bright, engaging
personality - even if only for a little while, you are perceived as having
confidence! Of course, the more you do this, the better at it you become, and
the more confidence you gain, becoming even better at it, getting more
confidence to get even better yet.... etc.
This is a common rule of
humankind. The problem is that most of us use it to our detriment rather than
our benefit! We are scared, so we tend to "act" differently than we
really are; we avert our eyes when we walk into a room, we act nervously when
we meet someone new. Guess what - this is actually practicing to fake a lack of
confidence! Then, by faking this, we get better at it. Then, we lose confidence
in other situations, thereby practicing that body language, and losing even
more confidence, etc.
So, how to you actually
show confidence – even when you don’t have it. Again, take a clue from acting:
first, you imagine a situation where you’ve felt completely confident – any
situation will do. You can then boost this by imagine a hero of yours doing the
same thing. For example, how would James Bond act in the same situation?
Second, simply adopt that
posture and presence! Become that character – if only for an hour or so in the
situation where you lack confidence. This isn’t hard to do if you have a
reasonably good imagination! Further, by practicing this, you’re going to get
better and better at it – and earn more confidence at the same time.
The trick with confidence
is to "fake it, until you make it."
Good luck, much love...
Copyright (c) 2005, Dr. Dennis W. Neder
All rights reserved.
For more information about my book, "Being a Man in a Woman's World", visit:
P.O. Box 10702
Glendale, CA 91209-3702
Fax (818) 246-5431
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