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How-To-Date


Have Confidence – Fake it Until You Make It!

 By Dennis, Dr. Neder
 "Being a Man in a Woman's World"

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Hey, it's me again.

There is one thing I kind of struggle with, and that is confidence.

Everyone knows they are attracted to confidence, but what exactly is confidence? How do you show you have confidence?

Thank you

Hi “Me Again”!

You're absolutely right about confidence - it is the #1 thing that women report as finding attractive in men. In fact, I do a lot of interviews around the country. Every time there is a women host, or one working with the host, I always ask her this: "What is the single thing you find most attractive in the men you meet?" They don't say, "money", "butts", "eyes", "cars", or anything else most guys think. They always respond with "confidence".

Confidence is an interesting thing. It's hard to fake having money if you don't have it. It's hard to fake having a great body. It's EASY to fake having confidence! Why? Because confidence is really just two things:

1) Posture - both physical and mental; and,

2) Presence - your affect on people in the room.

Both of these can be faked very, very easily. This is because people have a hard time telling the difference between what is real and what is an act.

Let's take an example from the world of acting. Actors talk about "breathing life into a character", but for most of them, this is a bunch of hooey. Most actors learn that all you really have to do is just "walk the walk" and "talk the talk" of the person bang portrayed. It is the rare individual that can spot the difference between going through the motions and actually becoming the character.

Confidence is like this too. If you simply adopt the body language, and have a bright, engaging personality - even if only for a little while, you are perceived as having confidence! Of course, the more you do this, the better at it you become, and the more confidence you gain, becoming even better at it, getting more confidence to get even better yet.... etc.

This is a common rule of humankind. The problem is that most of us use it to our detriment rather than our benefit! We are scared, so we tend to "act" differently than we really are; we avert our eyes when we walk into a room, we act nervously when we meet someone new. Guess what - this is actually practicing to fake a lack of confidence! Then, by faking this, we get better at it. Then, we lose confidence in other situations, thereby practicing that body language, and losing even more confidence, etc.

So, how to you actually show confidence – even when you don’t have it. Again, take a clue from acting: first, you imagine a situation where you’ve felt completely confident – any situation will do. You can then boost this by imagine a hero of yours doing the same thing. For example, how would James Bond act in the same situation?

Second, simply adopt that posture and presence! Become that character – if only for an hour or so in the situation where you lack confidence. This isn’t hard to do if you have a reasonably good imagination! Further, by practicing this, you’re going to get better and better at it – and earn more confidence at the same time.

The trick with confidence is to "fake it, until you make it."

Good luck, much love...


Copyright (c) 2005, Dr. Dennis W. Neder All rights reserved. Remington Publications For more information about my book, "Being a Man in a Woman's World", visit: www.remingtonpublications.com P.O. Box 10702 Glendale, CA 91209-3702 (818) 246-2058 Fax (818) 246-5431
About the author
uthor of: Being a Man in a Woman's World
Dedicated to advancing the arts and sciences of relationships.
Start having the relationships YOU deserve!
Got a love, relationship or man/woman question? I answer all letters. You
can write to me at dwneder@remingtonpublications.com
for answers. For more information about my book, "Being a Man in a Woman's
World", visit: www.remingtonpublications.com

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If you simply adopt the body language, and have a bright, engaging personality - even if only for a little while, you are perceived as having confidence!


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