Men - do you want
a great way to get her "ready and receptive"? Learn to give a great
Touching her with
strength and finesse says so many things about you - like you're going to spend
some time on her - you're not going to just get in, get off and bolt. Not only
will a great massage relax her, but it will help her get in the mood for more.
If you want to be
the guy she has to see again - give a great massage.
* Prepare the
You want to be in
a private, quite place with you give a sensual massage. Make sure that the
phone is off the hook, and that you're not going to be bothered by the door,
kids, animals, etc. Select some soothing music and turn off the lights except
for lighting some candles - preferably scented. What, you don't have these at
your place? This might be a good time to invest in a "Massage Kit".
You're also going
to need a couple of sheets - one to cover your work area, (you don't want
massage oil staining your couch!), and another to cover her. If she feels
"exposed" or cold she isn't going to relax and let you, ah, work -
yeah work! So, as you work, uncover only the area you want to massage. Then,
cover it again to keep the area warm. As you massage the skin, blood flows into
that area. This blood causes the area to redden and to warm. You don't want
this to turn to chill, so be sure to cover your finished areas.
should also have some water available. Many people feel thirsty after a
massage. This is because working muscles causes
all sorts of chemicals to be released into the body.
* Massage Methods
heard of all types of massage techniques - Shiatsu, Swedish, Rolfing, etc., are
all different types of massage with different goals. Don't worry about all of
this. You don't need to focus on the type of massage - only the goal. Your goal
should be to sooth and relax your er, victim!
In the next
sections, we'll explore this in greater detail. When you give a massage keep in
mind the following points:
1) Massage muscle
- not skin, bone or organs
2) Work large
2) Use firm, even
pressure, not hard, deep pressure
3) Stay away from
overly hard or overly soft areas of the body - unless she specifically asks
4) Always use a
lubricant (see below)
5) Know when to
explore each of these points:
* Massage Muscle,
Try this: rub
your fingers gently over the skin of your arm. Now, press harder and move the
skin without dragging your fingers across it. This is the difference between
caressing and a massage. Remember that massages are for muscles below the skin
- not for the skin itself.
You want a deep,
penetrating effect - not something superficial. This is because the nerves in
the skin tire very quickly. Further, many people are ticklish - not just on
their feet, but all over their bodies! You want a massage to be relaxing and
focused - not an irritant!
As well, you want
to stay away from bones. By pressing hard on the skin just over a bone, you're
going to cause pain - not pleasure (well, to some, pain IS pleasure - but
that's another article!) Unless you know your human anatomy you're probably not
going to know where your woman's bones are; so, before you begin rubbing an
area, make sure that the tissue below the skin is soft. In fact, use the
relatively softness to determine how hard to press.
press your fingers into your relaxed stomach. This softness tells you that
there are no bones below your fingers - only organs. You don't want to press
into an area like this very hard. On the other hand, when you press your
fingers into your thigh, you can feel how firm the tissue feels here. This is because
of the underlying bone.
massaging a woman's back, shoulders, legs or arms, look for this firmness as a
good place to work.
* Work on Large
There are only a
few of them in the body - mostly in the neck, back, shoulders and legs. By
concentrating on the large muscle groups, not only is your massage more
efficient - you are getting the largest source of body tension - but you're
also preventing damage.
On either side of
the spine are large muscle groups (called "Latissimus Dorsi" if you
care to know). These are the long, strong muscles that keep you standing up -
and are great places to work. Again, you have to be careful here, because just
underneath these muscles are the ribs - and you know how ticklish some people are
* Use Firm, Even
Pressure that is
too light or inconsistent (light, heavy and light again), can be as
uncomfortable as too much pressure. Be sure to use an even amount - not too
hard, and not too light when giving a massage. In fact, it is better to start
out somewhat lightly and ask if she wants more. Gently increase your strength
until she indicates that it is enough.
* Use a Lubricant
You should never
try anything but the most minor of massages without lubricating the skin. For
example, if you want to rub her shoulders that's one thing. If you're going to
give a skin-to-skin massage, always use a lubricant. Lubes help to both prepare
the skin and to protect it.
Vaseline or Wesson oil to massage her - you want the lubricant to be absorbed
by the skin. You should also stay away from lubes that are absorbed too quickly
like hand lotions. Why not pick up lightly scented massage oil - you'll
definitely use it!
* Just Follow the
Ok, so how do you
progress? First, your lady should be undressed (oh - you dog you!) and lying on
her stomach. Make sure her hair is out of the way of your "work
area". Next, pick up the lubricant or oil you have selected and squeeze
some onto your palm. Don't drip it directly on her skin - it may be cold. You
can rub your hands together to warm both the oil and your skin. Even on a hot
evening, try to make sure you're your hands warmer than the air. This
difference helps remind her to relax.
Next follow these
1) Start with her
Grab the muscles
mid-way between her the curve of her shoulder and her neck with both hands
(gently!) Knead these muscles and gently pull them toward you. This is a great
place to start as most people carry a lot of tension here.
2) Work across
her shoulders to her neck
Use your thumbs
and the tips of your fingers to work from these muscles across and down her
upper back. Be sure to watch that your nails don't dig into her skin!
3) Down her arms
to her hands
With both hands
cupped on the curve where her shoulders turn into her arms, gently lift her
shoulders a few times to stretch the muscles in front. Work down each arm
separately finding the muscle groups in the front and back and kneading them
gently. When you get to her hands, use your thumbs to work her palms. Don't
forget the other arm!
Now, return to
her upper back and work downwards to her mid-back. This is another area many
people store tension. Use your thumbs and fingertips to work from the center
out and to push upward.
Continue to work
down her back to her hips and just above her ass. Again, another
6) Upper thighs
Working the muscles of
her upper thighs is a great place to spend some time (if she'll allow this!)
After you've worked the back of her legs and down her calves (next), you can
have her turn over to work the fronts.
The calves are
very strong muscles and get a workout everyday. These are great places to spend
some time kneading each one separately with both hands.
you start the massage, her skin will absorb the oil or lotion you applied to
your hands. So, continue to re-lube regularly. Also, humans are
"bilateral" - that is we have a balance between the right and left.
Don't neglect one side for the other - keep things balanced.
graduate? Learn to give a great foot massage!
massaging someone's feet, you've got to be careful, as many women are ticklish
here. If you drag your fingers over the feet lightly, she's liable to flinch -
negating the work you've already done in getting her relaxed. When you work the
feet remember that there are many areas - each with their own needs. So, start
with the heel. Firmly grab her heel and push it up toward her leg, pull it down
and work it side to side. The heel contains a number of very small, very strong
Next, work your
thumbs on the under side (called the "plantar" side) of her foot (in
general, or unless she asks, avoid the top of the feet). Again, use deep slow
pressure with the tips of your thumbs - don't do it too gently or it's going to
feel like you're tickling her. Work the balls of her feet and in between her
toes. Also, pull on each toe for about 10 seconds - don't jerk, just give a
smooth, strong tug.
In general the
feet of even small women are very strong. They can take a much more intense
massage than the rest of her, but be sure to watch her reactions. Further, ask
her what she likes, and follow her directions!
* The Ending -
Once you've completed
the massage, get a soft towel to wipe her body down. This is just to remove any
remaining lotion or oil, and to let her know that the massage is over.
* What's That -
professional massage therapists use sleep or even drooling as a sign they've
done their job well. Don't take it as an insult - just realize she's really
into what you're doing!
Copyright (c) 2005, Dr. Dennis W. Neder
All rights reserved.
For more information about my book, "Being a Man in a Woman's World", visit:
P.O. Box 10702
Glendale, CA 91209-3702
Fax (818) 246-5431
About the author
uthor of: Being a Man in a Woman's World
Dedicated to advancing the arts and sciences of relationships.
Start having the relationships YOU deserve!
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