I am 39, never
married, and rarely dated. I am trying to get on my feet career and finance
wise, but it is hard because I don't date or look aggressively enough to
satisfy my semi-superiors in the corporate world. I want a relationship, but I
am not out going enough.
While there are
some people that are "naturally outgoing" most of us have to work on
it. You are right to associate some outwardness with dating, as there is a
direct relationship between them. We'll explore this in a moment so bear with
First, let's talk
about what women want. Not what "popular opinion" says they want, but
what they really want. Through my book, "Being a Man in a Woman's
World", I get a lot of mail from readers - both from men AND women. The women
continue to tell me the same things - they want men that are confident, strong
and have a solid direction.
The problem with
"popular opinion" is that it is based on the wrong questions. We hear
all the time that women want good-looking, wealthy men
with large penises. These are based on questions like, "Is a man's
attractiveness important to you?" What a stupid question! Of course it is,
but it doesn't ask the two most important aspects of the question; 1) "HOW
important are looks to you?" and 2) "WHAT do you find MOST attractive
in a man?" Thus, most men are confused about just what women really want.
This all began
with a "feminization" of society - about 35 years ago. You and I have
been through that period when we "thought" that women wanted
"sensitive" and "caring" men. Too many of us still believe
this, but let me say my female readers don't agree.. Women don't want men that
are "feminized" - that's why they have girlfriends!
Ok, so what about
you? I have asked hundreds of women this question: "What do you find MOST
attractive in a man?" They continue to tell me the same thing: CONFIDENCE.
Could it really be that simple? The answer of course is "yes and no".
Women look for confidence in the initial approach. As you're already aware, it
is our (men's) responsibility to make this first contact. Thus, if you carry
yourself with confidence and act as though you EXPECT a woman to be thrilled to
meet you, she will be! Note that I said "confidence" and not
"cockiness". There is a fine line, but cocky men turn-off women.
Calvin, you first
need to work on an approach but it's easy to get started. Begin by simply making eye contact with
everyone you encounter. Don't worry if they seem to "look through
you" - their reaction isn't important. You're only trying to establish a
pattern of success here. Once this feels comfortable add a simple smile. Next,
when this begins to feel comfortable, add a "hello". As you practice
these skills, they become ingrained and feel begin to natural. At this point
you are ready to begin meeting women because these are the skills you need - making eye contact,
smiling, saying hello - and doing it with ease and confidence.
Along with your
career goals have you set any relationship goals? Most people spend more time
planning their vacations than they spend planning their lives. In my book, I
cover this planning process in depth and highly recommend that you pick up a
copy of it then commit it to memory. It also covers many other aspects of
dating that you're going to need including communications, meeting women, and
"handling your success" which discusses problems between your new
mate and the rest of your life!
Get started today
- believe me, you'll be surprised at how easy it all really is! But, if you
don't do something today, tomorrow will be the same. If you don't do something
this week, next week will be just like this one, etc. So, get going - you can
Copyright (c) 2005, Dr. Dennis W. Neder
All rights reserved.
For more information about my book, "Being a Man in a Woman's World", visit:
P.O. Box 10702
Glendale, CA 91209-3702
Fax (818) 246-5431
About the author
uthor of: Being a Man in a Woman's World
Dedicated to advancing the arts and sciences of relationships.
Start having the relationships YOU deserve!
Got a love, relationship or man/woman question? I answer all letters. You
can write to me at firstname.lastname@example.org
for answers. For more information about my book, "Being a Man in a Woman's
World", visit: www.remingtonpublications.com