I am in a serious
relationship of over one year. Over the course of our relationship, my
girlfriend and I have spent most of the time that we have been together without
the company of our respective friends. Once in a while we are in a situation
where one of my girlfriend's male friends is coming or going and her standard
greeting or send off is a kiss on the lips.
I don't kiss anyone on the
lips other than my girlfriend. I find it unsanitary. She obviously doesn't. She
does insist on all shoes being removed in the apartment and street clothes not
being worn on the bed (even on top of the comforter).
I have gone along with her
need to feel a sense of cleanliness, but she refuses to discuss her
lip-planting all of these guys she is friends with. She says that's just the
way she is, and tells me to get over it. I can't. I do not feel respected or
comfortable not to mention grossed out!
This is ABSOLUTELY a matter
of respect (or disrespect on her part)! Just like they say you're having sex
with every other partner your girlfriend has had, you're also kissing them too!
Further, she's giving you the dreaded "Test"!
If you've read any of my
articles, you know that I talk about "The Test" all the time, and it
is a matter of utmost importance that you get it handled once and for all, or
it's just going to get worse! Regardless of how she sees it, you don't feel
comfortable with it, and frankly, that's all that should matter.
To handle this you're going
to have to put your foot down and tell her, no more kissing other guys on the
lips - period. Further, if she kisses some guy on the lips, you're not going to
kiss her until after she takes a bath! You should also have a long talk with
her regarding respect. (By the way - I once got a chick I was dating to stop
smoking by doing this! She had to fully brush her teeth every time
she smoked before I would kiss her - outside of course. What a pain in the
If this doesn't get you
anywhere, you might want to illicit some of your female friend’s help - at
least those you'd want to tongue-kiss. Of course, you've got to make sure you
do this only in public, and hopefully around her friends, as the humiliation
factor is the primary key.
The reason why this is so
insidious (and she knows it is!) is that she can easily come back with
"but we're only friends - YOU must be insecure!" How do you defend
that statement? This is why it is so imperative to get corrected immediately.
You might also want to pick up a copy of my book, "Being a Man in a
Woman's World" as it goes into handling these kinds of tests in great
Let me know how things turn
out, my brother...
Copyright (c) 2005, Dr. Dennis W. Neder
All rights reserved.
For more information about my book, "Being a Man in a Woman's World", visit:
P.O. Box 10702
Glendale, CA 91209-3702
Fax (818) 246-5431
About the author
uthor of: Being a Man in a Woman's World
Dedicated to advancing the arts and sciences of relationships.
Start having the relationships YOU deserve!
Got a love, relationship or man/woman question? I answer all letters. You
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for answers. For more information about my book, "Being a Man in a Woman's
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