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How to Manage The Costs of Dating

 By Dennis, Dr. Neder
 "Being a Man in a Woman's World"

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Hey Doc,

I am really interested in paying protocols and dating. I went on two dates this past weekend and I spent nearly half my paycheck. I'm not kidding! The cost of living where I am is EXPENSIVE. I'm not looking for high maintenance women, but I also don't want to be cheap.

Help me out here.

"Big Spender"


Hello "Big Spender"!

This is the most insidious part of dating! Women complain all the time about the "wage gap", but never consider that men pay 92% of all dating costs! You're also quite correct - if you don't pay for the date, you're going to look cheap. For this same reason, you don't want to use coupons or 1/2 off deals, etc. This is definitely grounds for denying a second (or third, forth, etc.) date! So, what do you do?

In my book, "Being a Man in a Woman's World" I talk about this specific

issue (and tons more!) and recommend that you pick up a copy of it. Consider what you're going out with a woman for in the first place - you're trying to get to know her. You're trying to see if this is a woman you want to get to know better. Thus, taking her to an expensive restaurant and a concert negates the effect you're trying to achieve. It also sends the wrong message. For example, if you drop $100 on a single date, what are you going to do the next time? Drop $200, then $300, etc.?

You want your dates (especially the first few) to be casual. Don't bring flowers or candy, in fact, I recommend that you give her no gifts until you've been naked together! And then, perhaps a card might be nice. There actually are many inexpensive dating ideas; here are just a few of them:

* "Quarter" Date - cost: $10 - Buy a roll of quarters and spend the day

trying to spend them all.

* Exacta Date - cost: $30 - Go to the local track (free or inexpensive

entrance), get a couple of hot dogs and sodas ($10), pick up a betting paper ($2) and bet on 9 $2 exactas ($18). If you win, go spend it on dessert!

* Sitcom Date - Cost: $0 - If you're in an area where the shoot TV programs (like LA, Canada, etc.) you can get tickets to the taping of a show.

* Picnic Date - Cost: $20 - Pick up a bunch of snacks (cheese, crackers, cookies, etc.) and a bottle of wine. Find a nice quiet beach or hillside somewhere.

* City Tour - Cost: some gas - get a map of your local cities and find some places you've never been. Then - go visit them!

Frankly, there are a ton more. Being creative helps enormously. Keep in mind that you're trying to accomplish two things: 1) Have some "face time" with the girl - just to get to know her; and 2) keep your costs down. You can do all of this just over coffee (about $5!)

Although you're going to have to pay for your dates with these girls, as you get to know them, they should return something back to you. If everything is one-way - find someone else! That doesn't mean that they have to match you dollar for dollar, but you should be getting some benefit from dating them.

For example, having a meal cooked for you once in a while is great. You can also have them help you pick out your wardrobe - women are really good at this, AND will help you look better in OTHER women's eyes! They can help you decorate your place, etc.

Some of my female readers get this wrong. I've had a number of them write, "Of course he should pay for things - he's getting ME!" Wrong! She's getting HIM too! If you meet someone that thinks like this - dump her and move on. Any woman with this attitude isn't worth your time - let some other poor sucker pick up that check.

Bottom line, any relationship you set up should deliver you as much benefit to you as it gives her!

Good luck, much love...

Copyright (c) 2005, Dr. Dennis W. Neder All rights reserved. Remington Publications For more information about my book, "Being a Man in a Woman's World", visit: P.O. Box 10702 Glendale, CA 91209-3702 (818) 246-2058 Fax (818) 246-5431
About the author
uthor of: Being a Man in a Woman's World
Dedicated to advancing the arts and sciences of relationships.
Start having the relationships YOU deserve!
Got a love, relationship or man/woman question? I answer all letters. You
can write to me at
for answers. For more information about my book, "Being a Man in a Woman's
World", visit:

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Bottom line, any relationship you set up should deliver you as much benefit to you as it gives her!

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