Let's face it -
sometimes we men thing ALL women are crazy!
The fact is - everyone is crazy sometimes. Yes - even you (maybe ESPECIALLY you
- you be the judge). That is, everyone does things that others perceive as
crazy. Many women seem to be particularly prone to acts of craziness. Beautiful
women are even more so.
What makes beautiful
women more likely to be crazy? The simple answer is, that they are given more
opportunity to be crazy, and crazy behavior seems to be more readily accepted
from them. That is, they learn crazy behavior and that they can get away with
it. Further, we men often help them along by allowing (even encouraging)
craziness in our relationships with them.
Before we get too
deeply into all of this, let's explore some concepts we'll use in a few
"Crazy" verse "Neurotic"
friend of mine says, "Neurotics build castles in the sky, psychotics live
in them, and psychologists collect the rent!"
It's important to
differentiate "crazy" and "neurotic". Specifically,
neurotic behavior can be thought of as individual actions that seem
inappropriate, obsessive, or dangerous - particularly in the context of a
situation. Crazy behavior is more of a lifestyle and usually involves psychotic
activity. It affects almost every aspect of a person's life, and tends to
directly impact those that come in contact with the crazy person.
We've all heard
jokes about "that time of the month" or "being one boy scout
short of a jamboree", etc., but you really need to look closely at a new
girlfriend's behavior to see how its going to impact you in the long run. You see,
she will probably not start off showing you craziness early in your
relationship. If she starts saying or doing crazy things when you first meet
her, walk away and don't look back - this is the best she's going to be!
Here are some
examples of crazy behaviour:
- Everything is
fine until all of a sudden, she goes into a raging fit over nothing important
- She goes
through your personal things and then goes ballistic when she finds something
inconsequential (note: she shouldn't be looking through anything
of yours in the first place - nor should you!)
- She is obsessed
with purchasing the perfect belt, handbag or pair of shoes, when she already
has closets full of them at home
- Her mood
- She is consumed
by the fear that someone is watching her, has put a curse on her, or is going
to get into a car accident
- She showers 3
times a day, but never works out
It is appropriate
to note that men can be crazy too. However, because of societal pressures on
men, they don't seem to be crazy (or neurotic) quite as frequently as women. In
general crazy behavior is not tolerated as readily in men as in women.
For the remainder
of this article, we'll use the word "crazy" to refer to women that
are neurotic or mildly crazy - not the clinically insane.
* Best Sex You'll
Yes - it's sad
but true; you'll never have sex like the sex you get with crazy women. Why? It
seems that acting crazy automatically reduces or eliminates concern for the
views of others. They get "used to" being viewed by others and learn
to ignore it, or even revel in the attention it brings. Thus, the crazy lady is
more likely to be open to new ideas, especially sex. However, always remember
that crazy women are not necessarily more sexual - this is a common
misconception of the past.
The one exception
to this is the obsessive woman who focuses too heavily on what people think.
However, this tends to be more of a self-image issue than true neurotic
* Crazy Is As
louder than words - it really doesn't matter what she says. In fact, unless
you're well versed in translating "Womenese" into English, focus 90
to 95% of your attention on her actions. Watch what she does. Does she need to
rub the body of an airplane before she boards it for good luck? Does she make
weekly visits to a tarot card reader? Will she avoid making decisions until
she gets the advice of "Boots", her cat?
There are many
highly intelligent women that are crazy. Why does this make a difference?
Because, many of these intelligent women are also usually high-functioning.
That is, they; despite their mental states, can proceed through life without
severe barriers. They make others around them think that they are perfectly
sane and rational. So much so that many people simply brush off their crazy
behavior as eccentric.
* You Don't Have
To Buy Into It!
I have an adage
that I live by - I ignore all neurotic statements made by normal people, and
ANY statement made by neurotic people! Remember, regardless of how beautiful
she is you don't have to put up with craziness - especially if it impacts your
Can you change
her? Well, if you're a clinical psychologist, psychiatrist, or other health
care professional - maybe. The next question is, should you? Probably not. The
time and effort in trying to change someone's behavior that has likely been
learned over a lifetime is enormous.
Ok, so what if
you're already in a relationship with a crazy woman and you're committed to making it work? First,
you should check you own motivations - I know too many men that spend their
lives trying to fix their partner's problems. They do this first for their own
sense of accomplishment. Then, when they fail it becomes something of a quest -
they continue to beat their heads against the wall.
If you still
think you can change her, the very first thing you need to do is let her know
that you will absolutely not accept any further crazy behavior - in other
words, you expect her to act sane. When she beings an "episode",
bring her back to reality and have her confirm it. For example, a black cat
crosses your path and she freaks, say, "Honey, black cats have no meaning
and we left superstition back in the last millennium - right?" Frankly,
for some people it is next to impossible, especially if she really has some
organic problem. Remember however, we're talking about neurotic
women here, not the clinically insane.
What do you do
when she slips back into neurotic behavior? Bring the specific action to her
attention immediately and remind her that you will not tolerate it. Then, take
her home and tell her that when she decides to be rational, she can call you -
but not before. In order for this to work, you're going to have to be
consistent. If you let your guard down even once, you're opening the door for
more of that zaniness, and you'll have to start back at square one.
You should also
get her into some type of counselling as quickly as you can. Many productive
lives have been saved by a few sessions with someone trained to recognize and
redirect neurotic behavior. Neurotic behavior can sometimes get worse if not
Many men, having
originally gone for the "10's" are settling for the "7's",
"8's" and "9's" in order to get away from all the drama. I
also believe that this is at least one of the reasons why you see so many
beautiful women on the arms of older guys (besides the obvious - money, power,
etc.) These guys are better able to handle all the wackiness of being with
So, what's it
going to be - a crazy trophy, or a sane, down to earth pretty girl? You decide.
Copyright (c) 2005, Dr. Dennis W. Neder
All rights reserved.
P.O. Box 10702
Glendale, CA 91209-3702
Fax (818) 246-5431
About the author
uthor of: Being a Man in a Woman's World
Dedicated to advancing the arts and sciences of relationships.
Start having the relationships YOU deserve!
Got a love, relationship or man/woman question? I answer all letters. You
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