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I have been dating this woman seriously for the past three
months. Recently she has gone through some stressful times - for
example: she got into a fight with her mom, a friend informed her that
he had cancer, and she’s had difficulty with some of her college
Another male friend of hers invited her to go to Las Vegas for the
weekend, but she declined because she didn't want him to get the "wrong
idea." I thought that was a great sign that our relationship
meant something to her.
Her birthday is next week, so I invited her to go with me to Vegas over
the weekend. She accepted my invitation at first, but then she said she
didn't want to go because I told her I would be attending a convention
for three hours on Saturday night. She said that though it would
be a great time for her to catch up on her schoolwork, she didn't want
to spend that much time alone. I told her I have friends up there now
who would hang out with her during those three hours, but she still
doesn't want to go.
I've been trying to attribute her behavior to it being "that time of
the month" for her, but it's becoming more and more difficult to do so.
Harold – who wants to know how to cheer her up
Let’s get something straight: just because your girlfriend turned down
another guy's advances, it doesn't mean she did so for you. She may
have chosen not to elope to Sin City with him out of a sense of
integrity or because she feels nothing for the both of you! To get a
more accurate reading of your beloved’s Interest Level in you, you will
need to submit her to another set of trials.
Speaking of trials, Harold – though hard times may be influencing your
girlfriend’s moods, they wouldn’t have had any effect on her feelings
towards you. In fact, nothing can raise or lower that score; not family
arguments at home, not the health of her friends, not her Art History
class, and - contrary to what you and many other guys think – not her
raging female hormones. Nothing can cause a drop in a woman’s Interest
Level except for one thing: the man’s actions.
Harry, your girlfriend’s quibbling over spending a measly three hours
in a hotel room by herself showed that she wasn’t turned off by the
trip to the Nevada desert as much as she was turned off by you. You
need to stop making excuses for her broken date (which is a mortal sin
according to The “System”) and start asking yourself: “Could any of my
past actions have possibly turned her off?” The answer may surprise you.
To start with, I know you committed a no-no when you tried to use this
pleasure trip to kill two birds with one stone. If you are trying to be
romantic with your LadyLove, you cannot cut a date in two, with a
three-hour work break in between. If it's her birthday, you should give
her 100% of your attention (On the other hand, if she were flexible and
had high Interest Level, she probably would have overlooked your faux
pas and allowed you to mix a little business with her pleasure - more
on your girlfriend’s Interest Level later.).
Your choice of rendezvous destinations caused another problem. By
choosing Lost Wages, you copied another guy's date idea - which made
you look like you put no effort into coming up with a surprise of your
own, which diluted the power of your gift. Couldn't you have thought of
Gifts are a big deal to women. When men do something they hate in order
to surprise a woman (like shopping), she gives him points for being
romantic - and romance is one third of the male magic formula that
keeps a woman in love with a guy, even if he is an uncouth, lumbering
Neanderthal! Most guys don't realize how important the right gift at
the right time is - until they get the wrong gift and Miss Right’s
Interest Level takes a dip. I’m sorry you had to find this out the hard
One other unfortunate aspect of your gift mimicry, Harold, is that you
inadvertently played a losing game of one-upmanship. In your sweetie’s
mind, you were trying to match another man's moves, which gave you an
air of jealousy and possessiveness. It's as if you were imitating a
Macho Boy saying, "It's my job to take you to Vegas, not his!" She will
deduct points from her Interest Level due to your apparent lack of
confidence and self-control.
In spite of your missteps, Harold, I have to say that in the grand
scheme of things, your mistakes were minor - that’s why I believe that
your girl was looking for an excuse to break her date with you. If she
really had high Interest Level, she would have given you smiles and
hugs for the birthday present, not stalling tactics.
For now, Harold, I think you should back off of your girlfriend for a
while and avoid getting too caught up with her problems. Oh, you should
definitely be supportive - but don’t try to impress her or try to get
her out of her funk through distractions. Give her a simple gift, like
a rose with a birthday card – then step back. If her Interest Level in
you is above 50%, then her emotional storm will blow over and she will
thank you for being stable like The Rock of Gibraltar. At that point,
she will be ready to run away to The Bellagio Hotel or The Luxor Hotel
with you. But if her rain clouds don’t clear up, then you should take a
rain check on getting more involved with her.
Guys - if you plan to keep a woman over the long haul, then use
adversity to learn how she will react when the going gets tough. As my
Uncle Jethro Love would say: “You marry her Interest Level but you live
with her attitude.”
To send me your love questions or to find out more about The “System,” visit me at http://www.doclove.com
Doc Love is a talk show host and entertainment speaker who coaches men in his seminars. For the past 30 years he has asked thousands of women, “Why do you stay with one man versus another?”
© Copyright DocLove Dot Com
About the author
Doc Love is a talk show host and entertainment speaker who coaches men in
his seminars. For the past 30 years he has asked thousands of women, "Why do
you stay with one man versus another?"
Guys, e-mail me at firstname.lastname@example.org
with your love challenges. All will be answered, but because of space, only
letters of general interest will be printed. To find out more about The
"System" visit me at: www.doclove.com or
(800) 404-2644. Doc Love is a talk show host and entertainment speaker who
coaches men in his seminars. For the past 30 years he has asked thousands of
women, "Why do you stay with one man versus another?"
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|It's as if you were imitating a Macho Boy saying, "It's my job to take you to Vegas, not his!" She will deduct points from her Interest Level due to your apparent lack of confidence and self-control.
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