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|Hi Doc Love,|
I just got The “System” in the mail over the weekend. I've read a
little of it and it all makes perfect sense and I want to say thanks.
Anyway, I'm sure you've heard my situation before, so hopefully you have some good advice. Here it is:
My best friend got dumped by his girlfriend a couple of weeks ago and
he was (and still is) crushed. I met this girl a year ago (through my
buddy), and we hit it off as friends. From the start, I sensed that she
had a small thing for me, but I acted like I never noticed it, which, I
think, made her feelings for me even stronger. I knew in my gut that
things wouldn't work out between her and my buddy due to the fact that
she met him right after her divorce. Having been through a divorce
myself, I understood what one goes through and how one thinks, so I
could just tell that her Interest Level for him wasn’t where it should
be. I was correct.
Well, the other night, she broke down on the phone and told me how she
felt about me. She is soooo into me - I would say she has 99% Interest
Level. She would do anything I wanted her to do (within reason, of
course). She is beautiful, flexible, loyal, giving, and affectionate
with me (she was never affectionate with my buddy) and I am attracted
I like this girl and think we could be good together, but on the other
hand, I don’t want to do anything against the guy who was the best man
at my wedding. Help!
Roy – who honestly doesn’t know what to do
When you say this girl is loyal, are you referring to all those Buying
Signals she gave you while she was still your best friend’s girl? With
loyalty like that, she wouldn’t last two minutes in the Mafia!
You’ve got to realize that a woman, who flirts with another man while
she’s with her boyfriend, gets an “F” in loyalty. As long as she is in
a romantic relationship with a guy, she should not give out encouraging
signals to other men - I don’t care if her Interest Level in the new
guy is 99.9999%.
Much like a hostess at a restaurant, a woman who’s spoken for should
always be cordial, but never intimate. If a guy tells a hostess she has
beautiful eyes, she may thank him for the compliment, but when his
table comes available, she won’t hesitate to drop him there and walk
away. Your buddy’s girl should have shown a similar demeanor toward you.
Roy, do you really think that she won’t flirt with other guys if she
ends up with you? Tell me if you still believe this after you
have had first lover’s quarrel because believe me, you will have
definitely have one. The Reality Factor says: once a flirt, always a
Even if she felt justified in her flirting due to your buddy neglecting
or mistreating her, you still have to ask yourself why she stayed so
long with a guy that she didn’t even like. It’s highly possible that
she belongs to that club comprised of users and women who cannot stand
to go it alone: Professional Daters. These women frequently go with
guys when they only have 40% to 49% Interest Level in them. Is that the
type of girl you want over the long haul? I don’t think so.
The truth is, Roy, she might consider you a rebound relationship like
she did with your best buddy. As my Uncle Jethro Love would say, “She
could be just passing through with you too, cowboy.” In short: this
girl’s not a good love choice for you, so forget it.
If you had gone through with your plan, Roy, what odds would Vegas give
you that your buddy would remain your closest friend? Try one in a
Even if your best man gave you his blessing, it would have been a
disaster. In his whacked-out state of mind, his ego would have made his
mouth grant your request to date her, but then when he saw you two
together, it would have felt as if you had plunged a bayonet through
his heart. How would you feel if the same thing happened to you?
With your his ex-girlfriend spending so much time with you, your buddy
probably would have become too uncomfortable to hang out with you.
Seeing her there in your house would only remind him of his failed
romance and bring up bad memories for him. You wouldn’t want that to
happen, would you?
Another point: by moving in so fast after his breakup, Roy, you make
yourself look as if you were eyeing your buddy’s goods all along, which
- rightly or wrongly - will make him think that you too are disloyal to
him. If you were in his shoes, wouldn’t you think the same thing?
Odds are, Roy, if you got together with this girl through other means
(i.e. she dumped some other turkey) your buddy would still be around
much longer than she would. You and he have too much of a good track
record to allow a woman come between you.
You are seriously overrating this girl. Because she’s beautiful, you
gave her a glowing report on her attitude in spite of the fact that you
haven’t had a date with her. If you really understood The “System” you
would not have seriously considered having anything to do with her. You
need to reread the parts in The Dating Dictionary about Loyalty, Trust,
Remember guys, flirts come and go but your best buddy is there for the final roundup.
To send me your love questions or to find out more about The “System,” visit me at http://www.doclove.com Doc Love is a talk show host and entertainment speaker who coaches men in his seminars. For the past 30 years he has asked thousands of women, “Why do you stay with one man versus another?”
© Copyright DocLove DotCom
About the author
Doc Love is a talk show host and entertainment speaker who coaches men in
his seminars. For the past 30 years he has asked thousands of women, "Why do
you stay with one man versus another?"
Guys, e-mail me at email@example.com
with your love challenges. All will be answered, but because of space, only
letters of general interest will be printed. To find out more about The
"System" visit me at: www.doclove.com or
(800) 404-2644. Doc Love is a talk show host and entertainment speaker who
coaches men in his seminars. For the past 30 years he has asked thousands of
women, "Why do you stay with one man versus another?"
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|Even if your best man gave you his blessing, it would have been a disaster. In his whacked-out state of mind, his ego would have made his mouth grant your request to date her, but then when he saw you two together, it would have felt as if you had plunged a bayonet through his heart. How would you feel if the same thing happened to you?
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