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Love & Dating

Working At The Long Distance Relationship

 By Stephen Blake
 Long Distance Romances

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I met Doron 18 months ago on line in a chat room. Initially we asked one another the usual questions you ask when faced with yet another user name. Like what made you chose that name and & what music do you like listening to, etc. Nothing grabbed me about this guy atal. We swapped email addresses, he lived in Holland and I'm in London. The thing we do have in common though is that we're both Jewish.

A few emails were sent backwards and forwards probably over a period of 4 months during which time I was sort of seeing someone and he was just about to finish with someone. We swapped pics, he was cute but I'd seen so many cute pics and he lived in Holland.........

One day about 5 months after our initial contact I got a random email from him to say that he's coming to London with a friend for 10 days, he'd been saving up for ages and would I know any where cheap he could stay. He found somewhere eventually and then asked if I'd have any spare time to meet up, after all it would be nice to put a face to the name. So we met on 18th December 2001 outside the famous Eros Statue in Piccadilly but he was minus a friend. It turns out the friends grandmother was ill so he couldn't make it.

The 10 days that followed were a whirlwind. It was like the Tasmanian devil had swept into our lives, that's the only way I could describe it. He was 22 at the time nearly 3 years younger than me and was going back to Holland and I certainly had no idea that anything would happen. I was lucky to get time off from work, so we spent a lot of time together visiting art galleries and museums (most of which in all my 26 years living in London I had never seen). We chatted a lot went out for dinner, saw a show, had long walks and even one day out side the national gallery he turned up with a massive bunch of roses and one single one. I was very flattered but oblivious to his intentions. I could tell he was a nice boy but didn't think he liked me more than a friend. The day he went back we realised how much of an impact we'd made on one another and decided (unaware of the difficult times ahead) that we were officially an item. I made the first move going on a guy instinct but knowing he was shy. I simply came out with it; what would you do if I went to kiss you? He said, that would be very nice.

Prior to becoming an item I'd invited him round to my house for dinner and during desert and a chat with my mother we discovered that one of his best friends (in Holland) is the son of an old friend who my mother once worked with many moons ago (what a small world!). So that certainly broke the ice and almost suggested that there was something quite special between us.

So since then we are still living apart. Let me explain. Just before we me, Doron had enrolled on a 4-year hotel and management course in one of the top hotel schools in Europe. So, what with our many backward and forward visits I decided to leave my last job January 2003 and find a job in Amsterdam. My hunt was unsuccessful and me not working and being without friends did put an unwanted strain on our relationship. So after 2 months (financially I couldn't stay longer and pay rent there) I decided to come back to London in March 2003. I have now found myself a great job with prospects in London and have no intentions to leave for along time. So it has been a difficult time. Fortunately Doron is coming to London in 3 weeks to do 6 months work experience here, which I am so looking forward to but after that things are unclear. We got engaged last August but both know that it will be a while before we can settle down. He'll have another 2 and half years left of his course when he goes back to Holland next Jan so there's still a tough time ahead.

I think the hardest thing has been that I've seen many of my friends settle down in comfy relationships and move out of their parental home and I can't do all of that yet. There are so many things to consider. Essentially I still feel single, my single mates consider me as one of them and often want me to go clubbing but I only really see that as a place to meet a partner or go occasionally for someone's birthday. As an engaged couple we haven't shared everyday experiences like other couples do. Yes we've argued and gone through periods of uncertainty about our future but we haven't paid bills or had late nights and early mornings for work together yet. There are times when I may have had a crappy day at work or felt down about something and obviously with a long distance relationship there isn't the spontaneity of sharing it with your partner, these are all things we have discussed.

Some might wonder why we got engaged and how do I know I want to spend the rest of my life with this guy and vice versa. It's something we've talked about a lot and also given one another the option to back out of but it all comes down to a few simple things. We're sole mates there's an unspoken feeling between us that says that there is no one else. We both couldn't imagine sharing our lives with anyone else but each other. We are often frustrated at the distance but equally excited about our future together as man and wife and all the things that come along with that.

There was time in the beginning when I'd be out with friends and spot a handsome guy in a bar or restaurant and think mmm ... nice, now I think nice looking but I'll stick with the most amazing guy! (Well almost amazing!)

Michelle, United Kingdom

Learn how to handle and maintain a long distance relationship.  Learn what to expect,  how to maintain that feeling of closeness though apart and how to handle saying good bye again and again.
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Loving your long distance relationship ... Love relationship advice, love advice and long distance relationship help for people in long distance relationships. Self help books on romance, love relationships, long distance
marriages, including online dating tips, relationship help, love advice and relationship problem suggestions!

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Article Overview
As an engaged couple we haven't shared everyday experiences like other couples do. Yes we've argued and gone through periods of uncertainty about our future but we haven't paid bills or had late nights and early mornings for work together yet.

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