Are You Fit To Love?
the most important question you’ll ever ask yourself. Let’s face it,
our relationships are extremely important. Yet, often they are the
cause of pain and struggle. Single or not, societal standards convince
us that we can have it all. Much of the available relationship advice
compels us to go after everything we want. Sadly, for many it is not
working. Climbing divorce rates and more singles seeking love are proof
that our attitudes are counterproductive.
expectations have become highly unrealistic. Rarely do we look in the
mirror and ask: Am I fit to love? Today's relationships are failing
because of deterioration of character. It is time we made a point of
building long-term relationship success based on the strength of our
characters, instead of clever-minded relationship strategies.
relationships require great characters. We simply must become better
people for each other. Becoming fit to love is a powerful wake-up call
for the brave. It will dramatically improve our relationships or our
chances of finding love.
happiest people are those in exceptional relationships. They are
heavily invested in their most valuable asset: their relationship and
have an abundance of life’s most precious commodity: love. They all
have one thing in common: they are fit to love. At the heart of all
exceptional relationships are three universal principles: mutual
respect, moral responsibility and authenticity and here is what it
Mutual Respect: Your partner is just as important as you.
partner’s dreams and hopes are as important as our own. This principle
requires us to think of our partner as our equal. Given that our
generation has made history as ambassadors of our “me first” society,
we are more concerned with getting what we want. For Bill, everything
revolves around golfing. He spends every weekend at the golf course
while his wife, Jane, looks after their two small children. Extra money
from their already tight budget is spent on Bill’s hobby. Stuck at home
with toddlers, Jane has little freedom to do or buy anything special.
Despite Jane’s complaints Bill seems completely aloof to the fact that
he is disrespectful.
conflicts arise because of different perspectives. Lovers argue over
who is right, instead solving the issue in their mutual best interest.
The struggle over unresolved issues leads to resentment even when there
is love. Love and respect take a backseat and the relationship
deteriorates. This dangerous game is the reason why many relationships
fail, when they shouldn’t. Instead of trying to change each other or
putting our needs first, we must realize that our partner is just as
important. In grabbing hold of our partner’s beliefs we show that we
respect our partner. If conflict arises and we cannot agree, we should
simply agree to disagree and continue to talk with respect. Without
mutual respect, it is impossible to create loving relationships.
Moral Responsibility: You are always morally responsible to
those with whom you have relationships.
live in a society that elevates self-fulfillment above anything else.
We seek self-fulfillment at any cost, even at the cost of others.
Regardless of how often we have heard that we are not responsible for
our partner’s happiness, we are still responsible for his or her
well-being. Love is a moral responsibility to another person. We blame
our partners if things do not work out without looking in the mirror to
see our own flaws. Yet, everything we think, say or do affects those we
had lunch with her friend Sally at a quaint restaurant. Jennifer could
barley wait to share the details about her affair with this young stud.
Sally listened in awe as Jennifer blamed her so-called inattentive
husband, Paul. It was a strange twist of fate that Paul sat behind the
flower-decorated lattice wall listening to every word his wife said.
From here on life took a different turn. Jennifer had deceived her
husband Paul and lost the respect of Sally. This is a high price to pay
for moments of sex.
our quest for better relationships, we must make our relationship a
priority. We must focus on our relationship not elsewhere.
Authenticity: True love only happens when you are real
you ever found yourself laughing simply because everyone else did?
Agreed with your partner’s opinion even though you didn’t share it or
said: “I love you” when you didn’t mean it. Did you ever do something
inconsistent with your true self just to please someone or to get what
you wanted? Of course we all have. We have lost the bravery to be real!
many there is quite a gap between the inside and the person they
present to the world. How about Toni, the dad who rents a Porsche to
impress his date, while being delinquent in child support. Debby spends
every Sunday at Grant’s parents but resents it. To keep the peace, she
refrains from claiming some of these Sundays on her terms.
be validated we often compromise who we are. Conditioned by our
environment we have become products of the culture we live in. No
matter how good we are at playing roles eventually our truth emerges.
Being fit to love means being real. When we are authentic our
relationships become real and we never have to doubt them.
of the state of our relationships or how unsuccessfully we have tried
to find love we have the power to radically change today. Mutual
respect, moral responsibility and authenticity are key to exceptional
relationships. People in exceptional relationships are fit to love and
in the process they reap some profound rewards:
- They live much happier lives
- They cope far better with stress
- They have better sex more often
- They laugh more often and have more fun
- They are healthier and live longer
- They are more optimistic
- They feel more secure and stable
wonder we envy these people. In times like these, laced with tremendous
uncertainty their relationships are like rock-solid anchors. Mahatma
Gandhi said: “A coward is incapable of exhibiting love; it is the
prerogative of the brave”. Let’s be brave!
© 2005 Allie Ochs is a speaker, relationship coach and author of: Are You Fit To Love? Her book has received the honorable mention at the USA 2004 Best Book Awards. She has appeared on TV, Radio and is published in numerous magazines and newsletters. To order her book or take the Fit 2 Love! Test visit her website www.fit2love.com. For Free Relationship/Dating Advice e-mail: firstname.lastname@example.org
At the heart of all exceptional relationships are three universal principles: mutual respect, moral responsibility and authenticity
About the author
Allie Ochs is a relationship expert, coach, speaker and author of ‘Are You Fit To Love?’ She has been through the “school of hard knocks” personally and then vicariously as a coach for the world’s largest relationship agency. This background followed by studies in psychology and sociology and 5 years of relationship research afford Allie a refreshing mix of savvy and empathy. Her vision definitely has the potential to transform every relationship.
She is published in: Single Again Magazine, Independent News Media Center, Disinformation, UK Activist, various Military Publications, Woman this Month, Enotalone, Kelowna Capital News, Calgary Herald and The St. Catharines Standard. Allie was one of the signing authors at the American Book Expo 2004 in Chicago. She has appeared on CHTV Hamilton Live, CKTB News Talk 610 and the Antonio Johnson Show in Dallas. Visit her website: www.fit2love.com
For FREE relationship/dating coaching e-mail: email@example.com